Sick of feeling guilty

Have you ever noticed your thoughts about resting when sick? Do you feel guilty to lie in your bed and just sleep? This is actually a thing, women don't rest efficiently and let go of other chores and duties when coming down with the flu or similar. This may actually keep you sick longer.

Guilty feelings prevents rest

The past week I have suffered from a hard cold. Headaches, coughing, sore throat, the whole shebang.

The worst is that my head feels like a tin can with echo of my own thoughts. No real output, but rather only thrown around inside my skull. This leads to trying to start to work on something but give up before any real results. Which then leads to feeling guilty that I’m not doing anything, not producing anything. The guilt drives new efforts on at least get something done. Look busy. And as the days go, I have little to show for and feel exhausted, both from the cold, but mostly from hustling around trying to make myself useful. 

Sounds familiar?

Women feel guilty when sick and resist resting?

Why is it so? Why can’t I just lie down, rest, get better sooner and feel good about it? The way I have been going about, I have just prolonged my recovery plenty. 

This is something I so often hear from clients as swell. They feel guilty when sick, even when seriously ill. It is like the only excuse from not going to work is their own funeral. And when I coach them on this, they resist. They think it is hard to feel good about themselves when sick. They think that feeling guilty is as if they are doing something, keeping their brain busy. At least not feeling good about it. Recently my client said she feels lazy, not capable, and not making enough effort if she just rests and lie down in order to get better. 

Strangely enough, all this brain work on worthiness, still keeps them home in bed for maybe even longer time than if they rested in the first place. So, my point is, why this awful self-torture?

Man-flu vs female-flu

When my husband is sick, he lies down immediately. He let go of all kinds of abilities in participating in the household. He gets the manflu and deserves to rest. For even the slightest little headache! I have never heard him say he feels guilty that he is not doing his part.

We can joke about it, but really, this is what women should be doing as well. 

Funny enough, all this chatter and resistance going on, is self-inflicted. My husband never says I should be productive when sick. So it is necessary to become aware of how women are behaving when sick. 

Letting go of beliefs?

How it started, I don't know, but it may have to do with women don't stop feeling like the one having to prove themselves all the time. I have found out it is partially cultural. And maybe even a religious virtue (totally misunderstood, in my opinion). 

I believe it is possible to change this behavior, but you must want to let go of the belief that you are not worthy of resting and that it is a virtue to never give in to sickness. Like, she worked every day until she died of ….... What is the point of that, if resting, taking care of oneself is going to make it better?

Your guilty thoughts affects your physical state!

When you are busy being guilty and roam around contracting your jaws, teeth and muscles, you are stressing your body to do work. The stress pushes you to stay in the sympathetic nervous system, also called fight of flight system, and you secrete adrenalin and cortisol out to the body. When you are sick, the body is already in stress, so by doing the guilt act, you are not letting your body do the healing it needs to. It stays in the alarm mode, and you get sicker.

If you are curious about how stress affects you, a hair trace mineral analysis will show your mineral status and how to balance it. Read here (Norwegian) for more information:

https://www.liselemberg.no/harmineralanalyser/

Coaching can help!

My resent client, that I was coaching on this subject, sees the logic in how she is handling being sick but find it really hard to let go. When we did a visual list of what is going on and that time is passing even if she is keeping her brain busy feeling guilty, she realised that she had to start working on herself. 

Together we found a couple of sentences she could practice, that would make her feel able to relax and rest. We both know it will demand her attention to allow herself to rest, stay hydrated, sleep, get fresh air, nutritious food, an so on. But she knows this is the right way.

List

Do you feel that you are practicing contra productive behavior when you are being sick? Are you feeling guilty and believe that is necessary, so that you are not being judged or lazy? 

Then it is time to learn alternative behavior. I would be glad to give you a free coaching session to see if you can find other ways of handling your thoughts and behaviour while you are sick.

Yes, let me find out how I can allow myself to rest when I'm sick!

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