Are you a strongly opinionated person? Are you should-ing on others? Do you have all the answers for how the world should be? Do you thrust harsh words on others when you are hurt? Are you being reactive when confronted? Your opinions may hurt you!
And – does it feel good?
If it feels good, and it doesn’t cause any trouble for you, this article is not for you. But if you are just a little bit curious about what this is, read on.
Self-righteous and self-centred
As humans we have the ability to have strong opinions. We are also very articulate of them. Often, we are opinionated for the greater good, at least we believe so. More often we are self-righteous and self-centered. Both may result in quarrels, loss of face, loss of friends and relationships. Because it is your opinion and not necessarily a spoken “truth” that we all believe.
If you are the one sending out very strong opinions to others, you may lose them. You may find it worth it, or not. I challenge you to look at your values and see if you are aligned with them. If not, you have the choice to work towards your values, or adapt some new and better ones.
Your opinion is just your opinion and not the truth. When you are able to see the difference, you may also be humbler and understanding of what is yours and what is others.
Just stating the facts
I have met people that tell me how I am, they believe they are for sure just stating a fact, the truth about me. Often not using very kind or flattering words. I used to get crushed when this happened. I had low self-esteem and thought there was something wrong with me. It also seemed to me that I found this kind of people often, so my story was “true”.
As I grew older, I saw that I needed to change the kind of people I surrounded myself with. It started with me. What about me attracted this kind of people? What was my values in life. Did I live after these values or did I have some work to do. Of course, there was qualities I had that I needed to take a closer look at. It is a job, but well worth it. I saw I got calmer, more assertive and stronger in myself. This gave new results. I started to find my new tribe.
Merely point of view and not facts
I know now that what someone think or say about me, is merely their point of view and not a fact. And it belongs to them not me. My job is to check in with myself what I think and feel about this. If I swallow what others may think of me, I lose my power to them. This goes for both positive and negative comments. Positive feedback can get quite addictive, and negative feedback feeds the low self-esteem one may already have.
I have also been very strong opinionated, and it hasn’t always benefitted me nor the other party, and it has also caused damage to relationships. Being in strong belief of the truth, often comes from being treated by others in the same way and adapted as a way of being.
There is learning to do here on both sides.
My learning is ongoing, and I believe it is for others also.
Beware of how you come across
The important thing is to become aware of what stories or opinions you have and have you come across to others. Are you your best self when being very opinionated? Very often the strong opinions is a result of who you became and how your life is going at the moment. It is usually not who you really are. Would it be useful to take a look at who you want to be?
If you want to read more about how you become you and your truth, read more here:
https://www.liselemberg.no/the-truth/
Opinions may be painful
The reason I find it important to write about this, is that you can be on both sides of the story here, and it is a lot of benefits in becoming aware of yourself and have tools to solve it for the future. It is painful to lose relations, and to be overthrown by others.
Be willing to define and learn more about yourself if you come up short with others.
One way of doing so is to have a sparring partner, a coach is trained to observe and catch what needs to be looked at.
Book your free session to see how I can help you!
